Transitions

Pistol at Cardiff State Beach

I woke up today to sunny, blue skies in Cardiff, California. I look out my window and see various green scenery, a mix of ficus, eucalyptus, and palm tress.

My dog has taken up most of the bed, as usual, and my pillows have been thrown to the floor. It wasn't the best night's sleep, and this isn't the first time I've woken up this morning. This is just the way things are now.

Pistol, in her usual morning position

I lay in bed, and reach for my phone. 10:30 AM. The notification screen indicates that the rest of the world is already moving full speed ahead, with a dozen Facebook updates, messages, and reminders. My to-do list pops up and I see the long list of things I should do today. Should. But not have to do. I am single and unemployed, so aside from the occasional job interview, these days it doesn't seem like I have to do anything.

This used to be a good thing. I enjoyed not having the pressure of my 8 AM - 5 PM job. I loved waking up with no agenda, or a single item on a to-do list. Having no schedule, just a next destination, was so calming and second-nature.

So, why is it like this now?
I can think of 3 main reasons:

1.  I'm no longer in a foreign country. Everything is familiar here and finding adventures takes much more effort.
2.  I'm constantly burdened with financial stresses, not knowing how I'm going to pay my bills without a source of income. And finding a job is a job in itself, with it's own heap of stresses that inevitably go with it.
3.  I'm not surrounded by like-minded travelers, coming from all reaches of the world, with stories about where they've been and where they plan to go. I didn't have to go far to be social; I just had to go to the common area of the hostel and start a conversation with someone (and hopefully they spoke English). Socializing in North County San Diego is not easy. If I try to converse with a random person at a local coffee shop, people are usually cordial but short; wondering why this strange girl is talking to them. If I talk to a guy in a bar, I'm immediately labeled as being easy or desperate. If I talk to a girl in a bar, I get sized-up and judged on my appearance, then either ignored and laughed at, or get a short response and a turned shoulder.

Being social in San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua

I dearly miss traveling... so much that it aches sometimes to be back here in my slow, unchanging, antisocial, Southern California surf town.

But travel isn't always sunny skies and fun times. Like my first trip to Ometepe in Nicaragua, for example...